Sword of the Jedi
by knivespast
Summary: Post Destiny's Way in the NJO series. When Jag forces Jaina to choose between her love for him and the only life she's ever known, their lives are changed. Jaina's emotional journey takes her from that moment to a few years in the future.
1. Told You So

This story picks up shortly after the events in _Destiny's Way_, then jumps forward a few years. I want to state very clearly at the beginning that I do not ship Jaina/Kyp. I do not own _Star Wars_; I'm just playing in the galaxy.

**CHAPTER ONE**

_Dear Jaina,  
>The Sword of the Jedi? Wow, that's quite an honor. I would hope that by now you realize my intent towards you was honorable as well. However, our lifestyles are utterly incompatible. Though your piloting skills are unquestionable, you are truly a Rogue at heart, wild and free. I was molded by the Chiss phalanxes, trained to follow the orders of my superiors. Furthermore, you were born to be a Jedi, and a powerful Jedi at that. I was raised to hate the Jedi. Though my feelings for you have made me question my upbringing, I have ultimately decided that it is in my best interest to return to Chiss space. I will continue to aid the war effort, but from my homeworld, not the Known Regions. Though I do not expect you to take me up on this offer, I invite you to join me. I think you would find that the Chiss really are a wonderful people. Jaina, you mean more to me than any single individual ever has before. I don't want to lose the bond we've formed, but I cannot allow myself to stay here.<br>-Jagged-_

Jaina held the small piece of flimsiplast delicately, running her fingers over it. Tears blurred her vision, threatened to spill over onto her cheeks. A choked sob erupted from the depths of her soul. Crumpling the flimsiplast sheet angrily, Jaina swiped at her eyes, wiping away the irritating moisture. She should've known. She _had _known. It was only a matter of time before one or the other of them brought their fledgling relationship to an abrupt halt. It had been fun, though, and she'd been willing to overlook the differences in their respective upbringings.

As Jaina lay back on her stiff bunk, she felt a wave of unidentifiable emotions pass through her. The few that lingered, however, she had no trouble identifying: anger, guilt, remorse, frustration, longing, and sorrow were but a handful. Closing her eyes, Jaina succumbed to the numbness of shock that soon followed. She couldn't feel anything anymore, didn't want to feel anything. Mindful of her Force relationship to others in the vicinity, Jaina gradually eased up her barriers and dampened her emotions. She wasn't ready for the others to know what had happened. Jaina rolled onto her side to face the wall, hoping that sleep would find her that night.

Sleep did not come. The following morning, Jaina stood in front of the mirror in her refresher, wondering if the person staring back could really be her own reflection. Deciding it was wasted effort, Jaina instead picked up her datapad. It contained information about the recent battle against the Yuuzhan Vong, and proved to be a worthwhile distraction. Jaina worked through the day -– carefully writing reviews of the battle, making notes for her squadron, and designing simulator battles for future use -– only stopping when a glance at her chronometer told her that any respectable being would be in bed. As Jaina slipped under the covers on her bunk, she realized that she'd been able to stave off the emotions threatening to overcome her. Night, however, would prove to be a different battle.

As she lay in bed, Jaina allowed her mind to wander back to happier times. She thought fondly of the first time she and Jag had ever kissed -– in the conference room after a battle. Memories of friendly banter on private comm channels, infinite teasing, and secret meetings flooded her consciousness. Tears sprang to Jaina's eyes, and for the second night in a row, she cried silently into her pillow. _He said he wouldn't leave me. But that's exactly what he's doing_, she thought bitterly. Jaina spent another sleepless night pondering Jag's true intentions.

The next morning, a knock sounded on Jaina's door. She was not expecting company, but Kyp's familiar presence gently brushed her mind. Hurriedly grabbing a clean jumpsuit, Jaina rushed into the refresher to change. When she came out, Kyp had entered her room and was sitting on the edge of her bunk.

"I didn't see you yesterday," Kyp began.

"No one did. I got some work done in here," she replied.

"Oh, I see. Are you all right? Your presence has been dampened since the evening before last," he asked, a concerned look upon his face.

"I just really needed to get it done."

"Well, if you're sure." Kyp's suspicion was evident, but he didn't press the matter. "I'm headed to the mess hall. Care to join me?"

"I suppose I should eat something. I don't think I ate yesterday. Too busy, I guess." Though Jaina tried to sound casually forgetful, it was clear from her puffy, red eyes and overall tired appearance that things weren't what they seemed.

Jaina spent the day in a whirlwind of activity. Simming with her squadron, making adjustments and repairs to her fighter, designing battle plans, attending meetings to discuss strategy, and preparing for an upcoming mission were just a few things Jaina did to distract herself from her very real problem. She didn't want to lose Jagged, and yet, it was like he was already gone. Though Jag didn't officially leave for Csilla until the following week, Jaina had not even crossed paths with him. The military information she received from Jag came via Tycho Celchu or Wedge Antilles. Jag had neglected to take up her squadron's offer of joint-simming. He'd even gone so far as to deliberately avoid being in the mess hall when he thought Jaina would be there. Jaina didn't want Jag to avoid her, but she honestly didn't know what she would say to him if their paths did cross.

Wearily, Jaina made her way back to her room. The day had been long indeed; that was the point. She wanted to sleep that night, but knew that sleep would not come. For the third night in a row, Jaina tossed and turned, her thoughts besieging her already-tormented soul. _How dare he do this to me?_ Jaina wondered. _How dare he make it so obvious that he wants to be with me, only to force me to choose? How dare he care for me? This must be my fault. I didn't try hard enough to make him stay._ The sound of her own sobbing startled Jaina out of her thoughts. She hadn't realized that she'd started to cry. _Why do they always hurt me? Why me? What do I do wrong?_

And then, he was there. Though her face was to the wall, Jaina could feel the bunk shift under his weight as he sat down next to her. His familiar presence was at once soothing to her. With one hand, he drew the blankets up around her, the other softly stroking her hair. Slowly, her desperate, choking sobs quieted to muffled sniffles. Kyp spied a piece of crumpled flimsiplast lying on the floor near the bunk. Leaving one hand on Jaina's shoulder, he reached down to pick it up. Kyp unfolded the note and read it silently to himself. The anger that welled up inside of him was quickly squelched by his concern for Jaina.

"Oh, Jaina, I'm so sorry." His tender words were met with a fresh round of tears. "You don't deserve this kind of treatment. Not from him, not from anybody."

Jaina slowly sat up, turning to face him as she did so. Her troubled brown eyes met his compassionate green ones. "But I–"

"No. No, Jaina," Kyp said, cutting her off. Before he could formulate another thought, Kyp found Jaina in his arms, weeping steadily. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her closer to himself.

"I-I-I-" Jaina began before sobs wracked her body. Burying her face in Kyp's shirt, Jaina allowed her tears to flow completely. It wasn't long until they'd soaked through the soft material.

"Shhh, it's okay. You'll be all right." Kyp stroked her hair and gently rocked her, all the while murmuring soothing words. Through their Force bond, Kyp could feel Jaina's turbulent emotions. He sought out the most troubled areas, and sent feelings of comfort to her.

_I warned her that this would happen. I knew that he would break her heart. They always do_, Kyp thought. Holding the sobbing girl made Kyp realize how much their relationship had changed over the years. When he'd first met Jaina, she'd been a toddler no more than two standard years old; he was already halfway through his teenage years. During the years that followed, Kyp had been like an uncle to Jaina. Then, their relationship changed. It was true that Kyp had briefly pursued Jaina romantically, but nothing had ever come of it. She'd chosen Jag at that point in time. Kyp learned to live with it, and he allowed himself to develop other feelings for Jaina. They'd mutually defined it as a partnership of sorts, though neither of them really had a clear grasp as to what that meant.

From the shelter of Kyp's embrace, Jaina felt the last few days of sleepless activity catch up with her. Her tears slowed, then stopped altogether. Jaina didn't know when exactly Kyp had started to rock her, but the motion was soothing. Wave after wave of comfort washed over her, calming her devastated soul and lulling her body to sleep. As she slipped further into unconsciousness, Jaina felt as though the only other time she was as content was in the presence of her brother.

_A brother!_ Kyp realized with a start. _That's what I am to her, a brother!_ A slow smile spread across Kyp's face with that knowledge. Seeing that Jaina was finally asleep, Kyp carefully lowered her sleeping form to the bunk once more. He pulled the blankets up around her. _I won't tell her "I told you so." But I will be here when she wakes up again._Kyp gently kissed her forehead, smoothing away a stray lock of her chestnut hair, before settling into the chair at the foot of the bunk.

There will be more to come, so stay tuned!


	2. Protector

**PROTECTOR**

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

With those simple exclamations, two identical doors on opposite sides of the room were slammed in perfect unison. Not more than four seconds later, the same two doors were opened hesitantly. Shoulders slumped, heads hung in shame, Jaina and Kyp peeked into the common room tentatively. Seeing only each other, they stepped cautiously into the room.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

"Sith, Kyp, we shouldn't be fighting." Jaina flopped ungracefully into the self-conforming chair.

"I know, but it seems like that's all we ever do nowadays. What happened to us, Jaina?" Kyp took a seat on the couch adjacent to her chair.

"A certain, arrogant Jedi Master I know proclaimed himself the designated protector of me," Jaina said, winking at him. Seeing a hurt look flash across his face, she was quick to add, "You know I appreciate that, right?"

Kyp nodded slowly, feeling her sincerity through their Force bond.

"It's been over a month. Why does it still hurt so badly? Why do I still hear his voice? Why do I still see his face every time I close my eyes? I still feel him, Kyp. I don't think I ever realized just how much he was a part of my life until he was gone." Jaina's brown eyes brimmed with tears. "Why do I still cry myself to sleep every night, but spend the day convincing everyone that things are fine?"

"Jaina, I mean this in the nicest way possible: your acting skills need work," Kyp quipped, hoping to lighten the suddenly somber atmosphere. The barest hint of a smile graced her face for a moment, before disappearing under the stoic mask she'd donned since Jag's abrupt departure from her life.

"Kyp, I've been a wreck for weeks now. You're the only one, aside from maybe Jacen, who knows exactly what I'm feeling."

"You should tell someone else, too. Get this out in the open. Bottling up your emotions won't help you in the long run. Remember what happened after Anakin…" Kyp trailed off, unwilling to continue the train of thought. Fortunately, Jaina nodded, saving him from having to finish his sentence. Kyp knelt on the floor in front of her. "Well, you don't want that to happen again. Part of the problem then was that you wouldn't speak to anyone about how you felt."

"But, I'm not going to make that mistake again! I know what I did then, and I don't want to take that path again. Besides, I have you here to help me this time," Jaina responded.

"And I'll do whatever I can to help you. But, I still think that it's time the others knew about Jag. I doubt that most of them knew about your relationship at all, let alone just how involved you two really were," Kyp said, giving Jaina a pointed look. She looked away from his intense gaze, silently telling him that was the exact case.

"All right. I'll do it. I'll fess up to being in love with him! Is that really such a crime!"

"No, not at all. If he really is 'the one,' then it'll work out without any help from the two of you. I honestly think your paths will cross again. You need to be ready for it." Kyp's voice sounded pained, as though he knew something he was unwilling to reveal.

"When did you start sounding like a certain, Jedi Master uncle of mine?" Jaina joked, the seriousness of their conversation already lightening.

"Quiet, you. And I don't really sound like him, do I?"

"Not usually. You tend to sound more like an older brother who's only trying to protect me."

"It's a tough job." Kyp stood from his cramped position on the floor, stretched, then reached down to pull Jaina up beside him.

"Thanks, Kyp." Jaina hugged the older Jedi tightly, secure in the affectionate embrace of her trusted friend. "Now, if I don't get some food, I'm going to starve."

"Well, we can't let that happen, now can we?" Grinning, Kyp wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She returned the gesture by sliding her arm around his waist. Side by side, the two Jedi walked to the mess hall.


	3. Lightsabers and Meditation

This chapter is told from Jaina's point of view.

**LIGHTSABERS AND MEDITATION**

"Do you think about him much anymore?" My violet lightsaber locks with the blonde Jedi's turquoise one.

"Huh? Who?" I ask, spinning away from Tahiri.

"You know whom." She gives me a pointed look as we circle each other slowly. "Jag." Her lightsaber sweeps low, and I have to jump over the blade.

"Not much. Only every day, really." I bring my blade up as though to cut across her midsection, but she deftly blocks the strike.

"Oh. I see." Her turquoise lightsaber makes a beeline for my neck, so I duck underneath it. I use Tahiri's moment of distraction to set myself more firmly in my stance.

"I'm being facetious, Tahiri. Of course I still think about him." By this point in time, we've been sparring for nearly an hour. I'm hot, I'm sweaty, I'm sticky, and I want a shower before heading to the simulators to work with Twin Suns. But, I still want to spar. Reluctantly, I close down my lightsaber; Tahiri follows suit.

"You're not alone, Jaina. You do know that, don't you?" Her simple question catches me off guard. Do I know that?

"Well, y-yeah, I know that," I stammer. The conversation has suddenly become a little too intense for my taste. "Why'd you ask in the first place?"

"I don't know how to say this, Jaina. Straightforward, I miss Anakin." The mention of my baby brother sends a pang of heartache throughout my soul. "But, as much as I miss him, I'm learning to move on with my life. It's what's right. I know he wouldn't have wanted me to mourn him forever. You need to do the same with Jag."

"Our circumstances are slightly different, Tahiri." We grab our robes, and make our way towards the cabins.

"The circumstances, yes. But the point is the same. You can't spend all day, every day wallowing in your grief over having lost him. It doesn't work, and it isn't productive. Believe me, I know." I don't think I've ever heard the petite, blonde Jedi sound quite so fired up before. "Face it, Jaina, it's been six months. He's not coming back, and you're not exactly in a hurry to pack up and go to the Unknown Regions."

"He'll be back, Tahiri. I know it. I can feel it. I have to hold onto that. This is my stop. I'll see you sometime later this week? Maybe spar some more?"

"Count on it. Name a time and a place. I'll be there." She waves over her shoulder as she walks away, her blonde curls bouncing against her shoulders.

I was safer with Tahiri. Now, I'm alone with my thoughts. With Jacen gone on a mission, and Kyp out on duty, I have no one to talk to but myself. That scares me. I have some strange thoughts these days. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to pack up and just go. My family would be heartbroken, I know. But what if it's worth it? What if it's not? What if I get there, only to find that everything I'd ever heard that was wrong about it was true? Would that shatter me? I don't think I want to find out. I don't think I can afford to find out. Perhaps, my doubts about going are in place for a reason. I know I don't always act rationally – okay, I rarely act rationally – but I really think it would be foolish of me to join Jag. It's almost like I'd be betraying everything for which my parents fought so hard.

I still remember that night six months ago. I'd been so utterly heartbroken. I couldn't function. I didn't think life would ever return to anything resembling normal. But the one person I least expected to see was there for me. I know that he stayed all night, holding me, rocking me, letting me take comfort in the simple fact that he was there, that he cared. Our relationship changed that night. Whereas before, there was always some hint, a subtle undertone, that things could be different between us, that we could be more than friends, there was none of that as of that night. I knew that he was thinking 'I told you so,' but he never said it. He could have. He very easily could have. But he didn't. Kyp's quiet presence was a focal point for me during my time of turbulence, my anchor during the storm. To join Jag would be to betray Kyp. And I won't do that to my friend, my brother.

Tahiri is right; I need to move on. I need to focus on myself, learn to stand on my own two feet again. When he told me he was leaving me, I was devastated. I don't think I ever even realized just how much I'd come to depend on him. Jag was a huge part of my life, more so than I ever thought possible. When he left, he took a chunk of my heart with him. It left me drained physically, emotionally, and mentally. But I realized today that I can move on. My heart will mend. It has already begun the process. My being able to realize that I can move on was a step I needed to take. After coming back from my brush with the Dark Side, I found a method that works for me. I'm going to take it one step at a time, day by day. And I'll be all right in the end.


	4. Not That Different

As always, the usual disclaimer applies: I don't own our beloved galaxy far, far away; I just play in it sometimes. The song used in this post is _Not That Different _by Collin Raye.

**NOT THAT DIFFERENT**

It had been four years since he'd last seen her, four years since he'd slipped away in the dead of night. He'd claimed it was his duty to return to Chiss space, that he shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. The truth was, though, that he'd been scared. Somehow, the tiny brunette had managed to break down the walls he'd constructed. She'd accepted him, first as a pilot, then as her friend. It hadn't mattered to her that he'd been raised among a people quite different from her own. She'd been willing to show him a life he'd only heard about. That scared him, and he'd fled.

Jagged Fel heaved a sigh of resignation and stood up, stretching muscles that were stiff from a day spent behind a desk. He knew why his thoughts were centered around Jaina Solo. The war against the Yuuzhan Vong had finally reached its bloody conclusion. In a desperate, last-ditch effort, the Galactic Alliance had pushed out the menacing invaders. Jaina, a Colonel in the Alliance Navy - he himself was a General in the Chiss Expansionary Defense Fleet - had orchestrated much of the battle. Of course, Jag read the reports of the Chiss soldiers still directly involved in the war. He'd followed Jaina's career over the years. After what appeared to be a breakdown of sorts immediately following his abrupt departure, Jaina's career had skyrocketed, breaking all previous records, including ones she herself had set.

With their recent victory secure, the Galactic Alliance was hosting a banquet for those who'd fought in the war. Jagged Fel had been invited because of his early contributions in combat, as well as for his later tactical schematics from Niruan and Csilla. After much deliberation, he decided it would be foolish to decline the invitation. Though not a man of politics - Jag had once bypassed legendary politicians to meet a lowly Jedi pilot - he knew that it could be very bad for the Chiss if he failed to make an appearance.

One week later, Jag stepped out of his clawcraft onto the landing platform of Corellia's largest spaceport. The planet, renowned for its ships and smugglers, had been the final battle ground in the war. It had also been chosen as the new seat of government for the Galactic Alliance. Jag had initially been surprised by this revelation; Coruscant was the traditional planet of government. However, after contemplating the failures of four successive governments - the Old Republic, the Empire, the New Republic, and the Yuuzhan Vong - Jag agreed that it was time for a fresh start.

Elsewhere on Corellia, Jaina Solo was searching frantically through her closet for something to wear. The day before, a memo had circulated through the hierarchy of the Galactic Alliance. Its message was simple:

_As this is an extremely formal event, all ranking officers are required to dress appropriately. Formal evening wear is strongly suggested. Thank you for your cooperation._

Sighing in defeat, Jaina flopped onto her bed. Scant moments later, Jaina felt a reassuring brush from her mother through the Force. The door to Jaina's quarters slid open with a slight hiss, and Leia herself stepped through. She carried something bulky that was wrapped in an opaque cover.

"I brought you something," Leia said, releasing the closure of the plasticover. It slid away to reveal a stunning ball gown. The dress was dark green in color, with a tight-fitting, beaded corset top and a full skirt. The beadwork on the top traced slight patterns, heaviest at the neckline before stopping completely at the waist. Spaghetti straps held the elegant gown in place.

"Oh, Mom. Thank you," Jaina whispered. She rushed forward to hug her mother. "I'll go try it on."

Half an hour later, Leia was putting the finishing touches on Jaina's makeup. The dress fit beautifully, emphasizing the narrowness of Jaina's waist whilst enhancing her small bust.

"What should I do with my hair?" Jaina asked, rearranging herself to face the small, mirrored desk.

"Well," Leia replied as she stepped behind her daughter, "I think I might have an idea." Leia carefully divided Jaina's thick, chestnut-colored hair into sections. "I wore this style once before, a very long time ago, at a medal ceremony on Yavin IV. I presented your father and your uncle with medals." A wistful smile appeared on Leia's face as she remembered the joy that surrounded the destruction of the first Death Star.

Within minutes, Jaina's waist-length hair had been carefully sculpted into the alluring style. A coil of braids sat atop her head like a crown; another, single braid hung straight down her back. Jaina had always borne a strong physical resemblance to Leia, but the formal gown and elaborate hairstyle only served to emphasize the point.

"I'd better let you finish getting ready. I don't know if anyone informed you yet, but Jagged Fel's clawcraft touched down a few hours ago. He's supposed to be in attendance tonight. I thought you might like to know beforehand," Leia said softly.

"Wow, okay. Thanks again, Mom. I don't know where you found this dress, but I appreciate your help." Jaina remained seated as her mother gracefully exited the room, not moving until the train of Leia's white dress had disappeared from view.

Jaina scurried around her quarters, searching for jewelry to complete the ensemble. She eventually decided on a silver choker that Kyp had given her on her twentieth Life Day and a silver ring with a deep green stone from Hapes. Jaina attached her lightsaber to a delicate-looking chain and clipped it around her waist. The chain was decorative in nature, and would not be too informal for the event. After checking her appearance one last time, Jaina slid her small feet into a pair of dark green shoes. Clasping the buckles around her ankles, Jaina admired how perfectly the shoes matched the dress. Taking one final look around her quarters, Jaina grabbed her invitation and proceeded to lock the door. _Okay, here goes nothing_, she thought as she stepped out into the hall.

Jag took a deep breath before pulling open the double doors to the ballroom. A few heads turned in his direction as he entered the room. Gavin Darklighter, now a General, spotted him at once and moved to speak with him. They chatted easily about the improvements made to their respective fighters over the past four years, eventually turning their conversation to the war itself.

Suddenly, the double doors opened again. A hush fell over the crowd as the Solo twins entered together. Jacen was impeccably dressed in a dark suit tailored to fit him. Jaina, however, was a vision of perfection in Jag's eyes. He was surprised that even after four years, she was still able to so thoroughly steal his breath away. But if Jaina noticed Jag, she didn't let on.

Plastering a smile on her face as she nervously clutched Jacen's arm, Jaina panicked. Though it had been four years since she'd last seen Jag, his presence before her dredged up every feeling she'd ever had for the man. She had loved Jag, truly and deeply, though she didn't fully realize it until after it was too late.

_Jaya, breathe_, Jacen's calm voice sounded in her head. _It'll be okay._

Jaina's smile became genuine as she looked up at her twin. "Thank you," she whispered, releasing his arm to take her place at the banquet table.

Dinner was a formal affair that nearly bored Jaina to tears. Though thankful the war was finally over, she swore to herself that if she had to listen to yet another pompous windbag posing as a politician, she'd launch herself out of her own airlock! Fortunately, the speeches concluded before Jaina had time to fully ponder the option.

Jag sighed inwardly. He'd been listening to speeches from various Galactic Alliance politicians for nearly three hours, and he still hadn't heard anything worth listening to. _Will this never end?_

Jag's silent prayers were answered as the last politician stepped down from the podium. Within minutes, the banquet lost its formal atmosphere, much to the chagrin of the organizers, and took on a decidedly Rogue nature instead. Lomin Ale, Corellian Whiskey, Whyren's Reserve, and every other conceivable type of alcohol flowed freely.

Loud, boisterous music was piped in from somewhere. As a traditional Corellian dance began, Jag found himself being dragged onto the floor by a cute redhead who was no older than eighteen years. Her curly hair just brushed her shoulders as she tossed her head seductively. Jag had a difficult time trying not to snort at the girl's boldness. His Chiss upbringing won out, and he maintained his solemn face.

Leading the redheaded girl through the intricate dance steps was an easy task for Jag, except when she occasionally stepped on his toes. Apparently, the girl had consumed a bit too much Lomin Ale. Jag's feet were grateful for the reprieve granted to them by the switching of partners - that is, until he found the small hands of Jaina Solo clasped in his own.

Jaina let out an involuntary gasp as she looked up to meet the eyes of Jagged Fel. When Kyp and Jacen had dragged her onto the dance floor, she'd hoped to forget all of her other present concerns. Instead, he was staring her in the face, his steely, green-eyed gaze never leaving her own.

They found themselves moving to the beat of the music. Their feet moved of their own accord. Without ever being aware of it, each tried to outdo the other, raising the stakes with every graceful move. The result was beautiful, sensual, and passionate. The crowd around the two dancers parted to watch them. Neither Jag nor Jaina uttered so much as a single syllable while they danced; both were lost to their respective thoughts. The fast music wound to a quick close. Jag dipped Jaina low, her head nearly touching the ground, but she didn't fear falling. She knew his grip was firm; he'd never drop her. _That's what you thought four years ago_, a small voice in the back of her head taunted.

Jag pulled Jaina out of the dip. His heart was racing from being in her mere presence. Every warning bell in his head screamed at him as he pulled her closer to him for another dance, a slow song. The barest flicker of surprise crossed her face before she acquiesced to his silent request. Stepping close enough to wrap her arm around his upper bicep, Jaina didn't falter in her step. The first few seconds of the song were instrumental, leading up to the song's opening verse.

_She said we're much too different  
>We're from two separate worlds<br>And he admitted she was partly right  
>But in his heart's defense he told her<br>What they had in common  
>Was strong enough to bond them for life<br>He said look behind your own soul  
>And the person that you'll see<br>Just might remind you of me_

Jaina took a shaky breath upon hearing those familiar words. Not only was this one of the first songs to which they'd ever danced together, but it also spoke volumes about the way in which they'd parted.

_I laugh, I love, I hope, I try  
>I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry<br>And I know you do the same things too  
>So we're really not that different, me and you<em>

Jag fought to keep his breathing from sounding ragged. He didn't know whether or not Jaina would be able to pick up on his emotions - though judging from the death grip in which she held his other hand, he wouldn't have been surprised if she did - but the rest of the banquet's gathering didn't need to learn that something was amiss.

_Now she could hardly argue  
>With his pure and simple logic<br>But logic never could convince a heart  
>She had always dreamed of loving<br>Someone more exotic  
>And he just didn't seem to fit the part<br>So she searched for greener pastures  
>But never could forget<br>What he whispered when she left_

"You know, Jag, this could be our song," Jaina said lightly, hoping to dispel the tension that hung heavily between them.

"What do you mean?" He was mortified to think that she would have picked up on his emotions so easily. _She's a Jedi, Jagged. Of course she can read your emotions, probably your mind, too._

"Well, it was one of the first songs we ever danced to, and it does describe our relationship, such as it is, pretty well," Jaina replied. "The only real difference is the roles are reversed. In the song, the girl left. As for here…"

"What about the end of the song?" Jag asked, cutting her off. For the first time since the song began, he met her chocolate-brown eyes with his piercing green ones. "She came back."

"You're here now, aren't you?"

_Was it time or was it truth  
>Maybe both led her back to his door<br>As her tears fell at his feet  
>She didn't say "I love you"<br>What she said meant even more_

"I missed you. You were in my thoughts every, single day. I followed your career on the holonet. I must say that I'm impressed," Jag began.

"Shut up," Jaina said, silencing him by placing one elegantly manicured finger on his lips. Jag nodded once, so she removed her finger.

Without even realizing it, the two pilots had stopped dancing. As far as they were concerned, they were the only two beings in the room. As the galaxy slipped away beneath them, they drowned in the emotions revealed in the other's eyes. Perhaps drawn by some unseen tractor beam, Jag's lips locked on Jaina's and Jaina's on Jag's. The kiss was at once tender and sweet, yet fiery and passionate. Jaina moaned softly as Jag's tongue teased her mouth to open. She did so, drawing him closer by wrapping her arms around his neck. He crushed her to him, sealing any remaining space between them, as his strong arms encircled her waist. For a time, they knew only each other, lost in their own, private oblivion on the middle of the dance floor.

_I laugh, I love, I hope, I try  
>I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry<br>And I know you do the same things too  
>So we're really not that different, me and you<em>


	5. All the Different Roads

The song _What Might Have Been_ is performed by Little Texas. The lyrics to it appear in **bold**, and the whole song is featured after the story. This chapter is told from Jaina's point of view.

**ALL THE DIFFERENT ROADS**

"Mmm." Jag's throaty moan thrills me. But I understand; I feel it too. Four years is a long time to be apart. I tilt my head back as Jag trails warm, moist kisses down my neck. His hands thread through my hair, loosening the crown of braids, as my fingers trace absent patterns on his biceps and shoulders. His arms drop down to encircle my entire form. Through the gentle firmness of his embrace, he draws me closer. I go willingly, sealing what little distance remained between us.

Lost in the pleasure of Jag's touch, the absurdity of the situation strikes me. Here we are, standing in the middle of a crowded dance floor - during a formal banquet, no less - sharing a wildly passionate kiss for all to see.

"We can't do this," I hear myself whisper. Perhaps my oxygen-starved brain has finally caught up to what my body has been doing for these last few minutes. "Here. We can't do this here."

Jag nods his head once in understanding, then takes me by the hand and pulls me roughly through the crowd. After escaping through the nearest door, we collapse against the old, stone building. The moonlight shines down, illuminating the side of his face. He has a pleasantly strong jaw line, and the look he's giving me is sending shivers down my spine. I take his hand once more, and lead him to my speeder.

Fifteen minutes later, we're pulling to a stop outside his temporary quarters. He punches in the code to unlock the door, and we are inside. The lights immediately come up to full power; Jag manually dims them to one-third power. We stand in his living room, scarcely more than inches apart, and we're both too terrified to move. I've missed him - his company, his touch, his offbeat sense of humor, the way he always has an answer to my questions - and I know he missed me just as much.

But this is real! Those really are his hands on my waist, and roaming lower. I hear a giggle, and it takes me a moment to realize it's my own. He's sucking on my collarbone. No, wait, he's licking it. And now, he's nibbling on my earlobe. He remembers what I like.

Jag's lips have claimed mine once more. The backs of my knees hit something. It is the sofa. I don't remember walking over to it, but now I'm lying on it; Jag's weight is settling over me. I've discovered that my hands have untucked his dress shirt and are working on removing it from his body. _Whoa! Slow down! _my mind screams.

"Jag, Jag, stop," I say. My voice has a heady, contorted sound. I'm not surprised; Jag is stroking the sensitive flesh of my inner thigh. "Stop," I repeat; my voice is stronger now.

Ever the gentleman, Jag stops his ministrations and slides off of me. I sit up slowly and rearrange my skirt. He has me under intense scrutiny, but he still hasn't said anything.

"How long do you plan to stay, Jag?" I finally break the awkward silence.

"Just a few more days. I want to visit my uncle and his family before I go back to Csilla." His voice is steady, but his eyes betray his inner turmoil. He knows that I wanted what was about to happen just as much as he did. "What's going on, Jaina?"

And the moment of truth arrives. Wasn't this what I'd wanted, for Jag to return to me? I'd thought so. Now, I'm not so sure. I learned to be content without Jag.

"I don't know, Jag. I think I've finally realized that I'm all right."

"What? Like you don't think about me anymore?"

"**Sure, I think about you now and then, but it's been a long, long time. I've got a good life now. I've moved on**," I say. It's true; I've finally learned how to do what Tahiri told me to do four years ago.

"You should go," Jag says gruffly. He grips my arm painfully. I'll have a bruise tomorrow, I just know it. Even so, I meet his stare, unafraid. I don't back down.

"Yes, Jag, I think that would be best."

He seems to understand that he's hurting me, lets go of my arm. "Can't we talk about this, Jaina?"

"**We** **could sit and talk about this all night long, and wonder why we didn't last**," I reply.

"Even you have to admit that we had some great times together." I can't believe what I'm hearing! He's telling me the same things I told myself immediately after he left! I've waited four years to hear these words! Surprisingly, though, they don't have the effect I'd thought they would.

"**Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know, but we'll have to leave them in the past**."

"What are you saying, Jaina?" Jag almost sounded desperate, a rare emotion for him, I'm sure.

_**That same old look in your eyes. It's a beautiful night. I'm so tempted to stay.**_** "Too much time has gone by. We should just say goodbye, and turn and walk away**," I reply gently.

I'm standing in front of the door again. I know that once I walk through it, I won't come back again. Jag has retreated to the sofa once more. He's not sitting, but is simply standing between it and the caf table.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

I nod, suddenly a little choked up. This really is the end. "Goodbye, Jag," I whisper. I activate the door. Before it closes behind me, I hear him flop onto the sofa.

Every step I take strengthens my resolve. This was the right thing to do. **I try not to think about what might have been because that was then, and we have taken different roads. We can't go back again. There's no use giving in. And there's no way to know what might have been.****  
><strong>  
>The End<p>

**Little Texas: **_**What Might Have Been**_

Sure, I think about you now and then  
>But it's been a long, long time<br>I've got a good life now  
>I've moved on<br>So when you cross my mind

I try not to think about  
>What might have been<br>'Cause that was then  
>And we have taken different roads<br>We can't go back again  
>There's no use giving in<br>And there's no way to know  
>What might have been<p>

We could sit and talk about this all night long  
>And wonder why we didn't last<br>Yes, they might be the best days  
>We will ever know<br>But we'll have to leave them in the past  
>So try not to think about<br>What might have been  
>'Cause that was then<br>And we have taken different roads  
>We can't go back again<br>There's no use giving in  
>And there's no way to know<br>What might have been

That same old look in your eyes  
>It's a beautiful night<br>I'm so tempted to stay  
>But too much time has gone by<br>We should just say goodbye  
>And turn and walk away<p>

And try not to think about  
>What might have been<br>'Cause that was then  
>And we have taken different roads<br>We can't go back again  
>There's no use giving in<br>And there's no way to know  
>What might have been<br>No, we'll never know  
>What might have been<p> 


End file.
